My 10 Best Tips to Make Using Online Dating Sites More Successful

After reading my previous post, "10 Critical Safety Tips Women Should Know if they Use Online Dating Sites" you are probably thinking it just too scary to date someone you meet online.  But it's not really, if you are aware of the red flags and warning signs, and use your best judgement.  I personally recommend using an online dating site if you are having trouble meeting prospective partners through 'traditional' methods.  Although it seems that online dating is quickly becoming the new traditional method itself.  And that's because, if used wisely, it Works!  My husband and I met through Match.com and are about to celebrate our 11th anniversary.  We are both very happy and cannot recommend online dating enough to our friends.  So enough of the scary stuff, now it's time to learn some valuable tips to make your online dating more successful.

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My 10 Best Tips to Make Using Online Dating Sites More Successful

1. Use a site that charges to connect.  This may sound counterproductive and like I am supporting those sites, but from my experience it's better because everyone has some 'skin in the game' so to speak. It shows someone is a little more 'invested' when they have to pay to contact you or receive your contact. Personally, I only met creeps, married men, or serial daters on the free sites. Not to say a paid services don't get these guys too, but I've found less of them on paid sites.  

2. Don't just include head shots of yourself, and for crying out loud use current pictures!  If you are not pleased with your body, or if you are older than you want men to think you are (judging by your profile picture that is 20 years old) it's better for your potential date to see the real you up front.  What purpose does it serve to only show head shots with your cheeks all sucked in, or old pictures, then meet this man in person and have him shocked at what you really look like. I see this all the time, where a full figure gal only posts head shots, taken at just the right angle.  Then she is pissed when the man gets upset at what she really looks like when the meet in person.  She blames him for not liking her because she has a few extra pounds, but truthfully, she was dishonest.  There are guys out there who are attracted to heavy women, thin women, short women, tall women, big busted women and small busted women, etc.  So show the real you and you will attract men who are interested in the real you!

I once was meeting a man on a coffee date.  When I arrived I thought he stood me up because I looked around for the man in the picture but he was nowhere to be found. Then a much older man walked up and introduced himself to me.  He was quite nice, and we enjoyed lite conversation over coffee, but we never spoke again because I felt he was dishonest.  Be honest about yourself so you don't waste either persons time by meeting the wrong person for you.

My advice is to get a friend to take some great full-body, activity shots of you in addition to your head shot profile picture.  This not only shows that you actively participate in specific activities that are important to you, it gives them a look at the real you.  And this goes both ways ladies, don't accept just head shots of a man you are interested in. Ask for more pics to show who he really is.  More pictures of the same person proves first -you are a real person and not a single photo stolen on the internet somewhere (yes, I've seen those too), and second -it gives you a glimps into their personality and interests somewhat.

3. Don't wait around for the man to initiate contact with you.  Take the initiative!  You have every right to do the picking too. I found that when I let the men do the picking, I got more creepy guys.  When I did my own picking, I found men that "I" was interested in, and we generally had better dates.   I was the one to initiate contact with the man who ultimately became my husband.  He had been the initiator with other women and was surprised when I contacted him.  He said he admired my initiative.

4. Don't choose men who are not close by.  Decide on what distance you are willing to travel (on a regular basis if things work out) and stick within that range.  Don't be tempted to go outside your area because if you do meet someone that you click with, it will be costly and time consuming to see each other and it will probably get old pretty quick.

5. Be open to all types of men.  If you only search within your usual type, you might miss out on a great relationship with someone that you may have never suspected you would connect with so well.  I know women who set their search parameters so tight (such as race, religion, age, profession, etc) that they miss out on some really great guys who might be just outside the edge of their parameters. Say you set your search range for men no more than 2 years younger than yourself, and you miss a fantastic guy 3 years younger, or you select only men of one race, but miss a super sweet guy who has all your desired qualities but he is mixed race and identifies himself slightly more with the one race that isn't in your parameters.  Be open and keep in mind that the men you picked in the past weren't right for you or you wouldn't be looking now, so don't keep picking the same type person...expand your horizons.

6. Think about your profile before you write it.  Ask friends to describe you so you know what people really think about you.  Make it personal, write your profile like you are talking to the person reading it. Don't be too wordy, it's a profile bio not a biography. After you do write it, but before you post it, have a friend read it, have a friend of the opposite sex (or whatever sex you are trying to attract) read it and give you feedback. Take the feedback and make changes as needed. 

7. Don't delete or hide your profile just because you find you like one particular guy one time.  Leave yourself open to other potential dates because you might miss the best match if you pull yourself out of the pool too soon. Just be honest with who ever you are seeing that you are still on the site.  And this goes both ways, don't be upset if the other person doesn't remove their profile either.  You are trying each other on for size, don't buy the shoe before you know it fits, (and if its going to give you blisters after several days of wear...so to speak).

8. You don't have to accept every person who wishes to connect with you.  Review their profile and see if it's someone who meets YOUR desired list of qualities.  You don't have to date someone just because they ask.  You are worth more than that, and if you don't think so then get some counseling and hold off on dating until you are confident in your own value as a partner.

9. Be clear what you desire, if you just want lots of dates, say that.  If you are looking for something long-term, say that too.  There is no point in keeping that to yourself and disappointing the other person a few weeks down the road when he discovers you are both looking for something quiet different in a relationship.  Also be clear about other desires or dislikes, such as if you are a smoker, or can't stand to smell smoke for example. 

10. Update your profile as often as needed, but don't change it every day, and don't re-invent yourself each time you make changes.  Be true to who you are and what you want and you will be more likely to attract the right person for you.

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I am a huge Dr Jenn Berman fan.  One thing I hear her say so often, but seldom see single people do, is make three lists, one with qualities you would "Like" in a potential partner, one list with qualities you "Must Have", and one list with "Deal Breaker" qualities.  Then stick to that list.  If you are dating someone who has none of the "Must-Haves" or has even one of the "Deal Breaker" qualities then you need to stop seeing them.  There is no point in continuing with this relationship because it will only bring you dissatisfaction.  

There are lots of great people out there looking for someone just like you.  Online dating once was so outside the norm that many people kept it a secret that they were even on such a site.  But things have changed.  Sometimes it's the only way to meet someone.  In my case, I would have never met my husband if it hadn't been for an online dating site. I worked the 10pm to 7am shift in a nursing home and slept until 2pm every day.  I wasn't likely to meet too many people to date with that kind of schedule. Furthermore, my husband and I didn't run in the same circles, so even though we lived in the same town, (less than 8 miles from each other) we had no friends or co-workers in common and would never have met without using online dating.

So give it a try!  You might just find your future life-partner, or at least have a great time dating and socializing with new people.

Disclosure: I am not affiliated with any online dating sites.  I have not been commissioned by any dating sites to make this post.  The links to dating sites in this post are NOT affiliate links and I will not receive any compensation from any of the companies if you use their sites.